How Can We Heal?

“You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we're not. We always have the power of our minds…Claim and consciously use your power." Louise L Hay


healing

[ˈhiːlɪŋ]


NOUN
  • the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.
VERB
  • alleviate (a person's distress or anguish
  • correct or put right (an undesirable situation).




'When I heal myself, I heal others around me. The joy I feel in my healing is radiated out to everyone around me.'

This affirmation by The Road to Hannah on her Instagram story really resonated with me this week. It's so accurate and it encapsulates such a powerful message. I really believe that working on ourselves is one of the best contributions we can make to this world. There's enough negativity, fear and hate out there, we have no need to continually add to it. By choosing to heal ourselves we are choosing to put more love and positivity into our society. We stop the cycles of intolerance, anxiety, irritation and irrational lashing out and replace them with authentic connection, understanding, empathy and freedom.

How we feel about ourselves directly affects the people around us. And as they say, hurt people hurt people. Healing is a beautiful commitment to move away from the possibility of this. And heal our wounds instead of inflicting more of them upon ourselves and those closest to us.

We are responsible for taking ownership over our lives. If we have healing to do, it's up to us to do it. I know personally, I love being around people who have owned their shit and grown from it. People who recognise the importance of overcoming their adversity, taking the path of the victor not the victim. It's inspiring, enlightening and their whole energy is different. It radiates and oozes from their concrete sense of self acceptance and self love. There's an energy of ease, peace and inner calm. Insecurity and dissatisfaction with ourselves speak out in a different way. They seep into our actions and our interactions, our whole vibe is different. There's more judgement, comparing, overthinking, racing minds of unease which can use their roots of fear and hate to be very cruel both inwardly and outwardly. 

Making healing a priority is empowering. It's a revolutionary refusal to settle for a 'poor me' state of mind and instead wholeheartedly embark on the journey of self love, respect and acceptance. A journey that will transform our lives, relationships and experiences.

So how do we heal? I'm going to do this in two parts, (as I've a lot to say on the topic!) so here's my first 4 suggestions.


1. Own it


"The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them". Steve Maraboli

Whatever has happened has happened. It doesn't matter, what matters is what we do about it. Complaining about it, using it as an excuse or licking our wounds instead of letting them heal is not going to help. We need to own where we're at right now and accept it. You've got to feel it to heal it. No more numbing the pain or avoiding dealing with it. Right now is the time to take ownership over our lives and accept the responsibility of changing it for ourselves. People can change, people can recover, people can become completely free from old hurt and issues. But not without acknowledgement and acceptance of how we are in the present. We need to own our behaviour and actions regardless how uncomfortable they may make us, denial and dishonesty is not going to fly on this journey. 


2. Forgiveness




“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” 

― Marianne Williamson

We need to forgive ourselves for how we've been acting, for how we've treated ourselves, for how we talk to ourselves, for how we don't exercise self care or love. Forgiveness is fundamental to letting go. I know personally, I have acted in some extremely regrettable ways when I did not love myself; I lashed out, I didn't look after myself, I was difficult, I harmed my body, I isolated, I wasn't the true me that I wanted to be. In order to let go of the weight of that behaviour, I owned then overcame it, but along the way I had to forgive myself and let go of the guilt and discomfort from it. I asked for forgiveness from those who had to bear the brunt of my behaviours and resolved to reform, living by the phrase 'the best apology is changed behaviour'

When we are acting from the place of the wound rather than the place of healing, our behaviour is often more wounding, it can be harsh and it can be very lacking in love. It's up to us to refuse to do any more of this, to show we are no longer subscribing to this behaviour and are genuinely choosing change. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. And then let it go. The new beginning starts now. From now, act and speak and think from the place of healing that is rooted in love, courage and compassion.

3. Commitment & Consistency

“To embark on the journey towards your goals and dreams requires bravery. To remain on that path requires courage. The bridge that merges the two is commitment.” Steve Maraboli

There's no point in getting down about how things are, getting all revved up to change and then actually doing nothing about it. This is a journey and you've got to be on board in order to get anywhere. Recovery, healing and ultimately freeing ourselves is a process. There is no quick fix. But luckily, that means the results are long-lasting and this liberating new way of being becomes natural. We need to show up to our healing. It needs to become priority. That may mean changing our routine, beginning new practices, attending a therapist, reading books, letting go of unhelpful habits - whatever has to happen needs to happen. Commitment is essential to creating the freedom we want to live in.  Keep at it. Everyday remember what you really want, how you want to be and what it will feel like when you get there. Commit your mind to making this change. Hold yourself accountable and consistently refuel your motivation, stay inspired, know what you're working towards. Commitment is the little choices we make every single day that lead us to where we want to be. 

4. Support

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” - African Proverb.

Whatever way this journey takes shape for you, I'm betting support will be a necessity. Of course we need to be our own self support, but realistically coming from a place of wounds and low self-esteem, it's a very beneficial idea to reach out for help from others first. Whether that's a family member, a friend or a trained professional, I highly recommend getting help in this process. Outside perspectives, experience and suggestions are powerful contributors to our journeys. Absolutely cultivate a supportive mindset too and harness habits that support your needs. Self care and kindness towards yourself greatly support this journey. Consider any other healing process and think of what helps - maybe rest, gentleness, nourishment, space, time, guidance, assistance - these will support this journey greatly. You don't have to try and heal alone. And there is admirable strength and courage in asking for help. 

***

Let me know if this has been helpful as I have five more ideas for healing that I'd like to share. Until then, here is a quote I'll leave you on:


Healing is the journey. The destination is yourself. The full recognition of all the different aspects of yourself-your joy, your sorrow, your pain, your pleasure-all lead you to the source of who you are. Only by having intimate contact with this source can you experience the fullness of your life. Only by fearlessly looking within can you embrace the landscape of your life and open yourself completely to all the love and compassion that lives inside you.     

Philip Berk


image by Gerd Altmann



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