5 Learnings in Language
'Be careful how you are talking to yourself, because you are
listening' Lisa M Hayes
Though we may not even realise it, the way we speak to and
about ourselves has huge impact on our feelings and experience. The
never-ending narrative written within our minds is not mere words, it’s the
translation of how we perceive our worlds, ourselves and the stories we’re
composing about both. Our language has the power to be constructive or
destructive, to enhance or limit ourselves; to build us up or put us down.
Put simply, what you say to yourself matters. And if what
we’re saying isn’t giving us a positive view of life, then it seriously matters
that we take notice and make the necessary changes.
The language we use on a daily basis becomes ingrained; it’s
habitual and automatic and we may have no idea of its potential negative
impact. There are various phrases and
words that we don’t even realise diminish our self-worth and re-enforce
self-limiting beliefs.
These could be different for each of us, so it’s important
to consciously pay attention to what our thoughts are telling us.
Here are some common ones to delete from our dictionaries:
1. I CAN’T
I can unfortunately vouch for the power of ‘I can’t’ in keeping
us feeling small, worthless and incapable. This one, from my own experience,
can significantly increase anxiety, cement negative beliefs and make life feel
a lot more intimidating, scary and impossible than it ever needs to be. Telling
ourselves we can’t causes Constant And
Neverending Torture.
We are capable of so much more than we realise. But in order
to grant access to what we want out of life, we need to unlock the language of
belief and trust. Whether or not it feels true, tell yourself you can. Repeat as
necessary and eradicate any internal conversation of ‘can’ts’. If you do find yourself resorting to it, and
a ‘can’ still isn’t sitting right, simply add in a ‘yet’. Permit the power of
possibility in your life and you’ll find yourself eventually replacing the ‘can’t
‘and embracing the ‘can’. As the quote goes, ‘Turn your can’ts into can’s and
your dreams into plans’.
2. I AM + NEGATIVE WORD
‘I am’ is one of the most powerful phrases in our vocabulary
to create our own reality and how do we use this? We call ourselves names and
we insist on highlighting our ‘faults’.
Quite often the ‘I am’ statements we’re making in our minds are
affirmations of our low opinion of ourselves - we’re useless, stupid, fat,
annoying, the worst, losers etc. I’m
sure we all have a few favourites as go-to’s.
We consistently reaffirm the parts of ourselves we don’t
like, where we fall short or the negative beliefs we have about who we are.
Instead of fuelling our fluency in negative self-talk, catch these statements
and translate them in to words that you’d actually like to be. What you speak
about, you bring about. But don’t judge how often you use negative words or
take on any guilt, instead commit to creating a constructive catalogue of
phrases and language that make you genuinely feel good about yourself.
3. I SHOULD
If you’re looking for a great way to feel pressure and
stress, bombard yourself with things you ‘should’ do. Words like this can carry
an emotional attachment to them. There’s an added weight of incompetence, not
good enough, and failing to measure up when we smother ourselves in ‘should’s.
Instead, consider what you would like to do, explore helpful things you could
do, speak to yourself about goals and dreams instead of pressures and worries.
4. WHY CAN’T I / WHY AMN’T I?
There’s a litany of lingo that’s sole purpose seems to be to
make us feel bad about ourselves and how we live our lives. Questions asking
why we’re not the way we should be or comparing ourselves to others - why can’t I be like them, why amn’t I as
good etc - are entirely pointless. It’s not as if they even motivate us for
change, nah they just keep us stuck in victim mode, measuring ourselves up
against the pedestals of the rest of the population. There’s a reason that it’s
said that, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’.
Instead of constantly asking why, ask what you can do about
it. Ask what you do have that you appreciate, look for positives within and
make it your business to give them your energy.
If you do want self-improvement - grand, go after it, but make sure it’s
coming from a place of kindness. Turn your desperation into inspiration and
ensure to support rather than undermine yourself in the way you speak.
5. I KNOW BUT / I WANT TO BUT..
The word ‘but’ allows our fears to speak for us. It negates
the first part of the sentence by representing our reservations, lack of
confidence and worries about what we actually want to accomplish. It gives us
excuses and makes us believe in its validity. ‘I know what I need to do, but I don’t have the time’ ‘I want to do
this, but I can’t’ ‘I would like to try it, but I wouldn’t be good enough’,
you know these sort of phrases, but do we realise how often we let them dictate
what we do?
When we notice these come up, we need to chop off the part
of the sentence that follows ‘but’ and consider what we’re left with. If we
truly want these things, what strengths can we focus on to overcome the ‘buts’?
Where’s the potential? What are the options? How could we do these things? What
is actually stopping us?
***
The way we speak communicates our experiences; it tells our
story and introduces who we are. Positive language makes a major difference to
how we feel, progress and achieve our own personal success.
Begin to listen to the language you use in the telling of
your own story and harness your power as narrator, author and editor to make it one that brings you a more positive creation.
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