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Showing posts from April, 2015

The grass is always greener... where you water it.

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We’ve all heard the phrase ‘The grass is always greener on the other side.’
And of course, it’s natural to occasionally lust after a life that’s idealistic; to maybe dream of escaping elsewhere, delving into a different way of living. Maybe we’re busy envying the lives of others, our green eyed monster painting a picture of superiority that we’re dying to seize.
Whatever the case, this mindset will only ever hinder happiness. There’s a quote that says,
‘The grass is greener where you water it’
and to remember this, is to find contentment.
In a world rife with opportunity, it’s easy to feel trapped by the routines we’ve crafted for ourselves. When our own minds are minimizing our life experience that feeling is amplified further. Life can become a series of habits and plans, clocking in and clocking out, wondering where the time goes. Yet we know there’s exploring to be done, memories to make and lessons to be learnt. We know that we need to get back wholeheartedly into life again.
When we r…

Pipe Up! - 10 Times to Use Your Voice

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A while ago, I lost my voice to laryngitis and while I was laughing at my failed attempts to even utter a full sentence, I was obviously thrilled when it finally returned.


I have lost it multiple times before, but it was fear that snatched it away back then. Growing up, I was always the quiet one, but never because I had nothing to say. I would simply keep my mouth shut out of fear that I would say the wrong thing and come across as stupid or na├»ve.

The fear of feeling vulnerable or exposing something personal crept in frequently and kept my doors of expression firmly closed. Fear snickered at the thoughts I was on the verge of vocalizing and kept me silent.

Now, however, it’s difficult to shut me up.

Talking is a vital means for expressing, sharing and conversing. It’s at the heart of friendships and relationships. It puts words to the feelings in our cores and allows us to share what’s happening in our minds, inviting others in to our worlds. Ideas transform to spoken words to form …

Stop trying to press Eject - 4 Ways to Take Control instead.

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Escape: You know that feeling when a surge of energy burns in your feet to flee, to get the hell out of here and go anywhere, absolutely anywhere but where you are right now. When all you can think of is how much better it’d be if you could just take off, leave all the draining, depressing rubbish behind and be free. No looking back, no second thoughts, just a clean break from all the baggage dragging you down.
It calls your name on those days where you can’t take one more minute of work, days where you desperately need to get out of the dark place your head is in, days where the shit has just hit the fan and you simply cannot deal with it anymore.
Escape is like the alluring alternative to dealing with life’s difficulties. It gleams in bright lights, the perfect solution, the ticket to freedom.
And sometimes, it’s feasible. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to be able to make our way to the big sign saying ESCAPE and never look back.
Of course, a lot of the time, the sign is nowhere to be see…

Forget insecurity - Cultivate a strong inner security instead.

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Insecurities are rampant among people everywhere; young or old, male or female. They can impact our lives to varying degrees, from making us check the mirror one time too many to leaving us feeling absolutely unable to leave the house for fear that people might lay eyes on the utter failure that we are.

My insecurities presented with the latter results. Everything I said or did, the way I looked, the fact that I could never seem to be good enough at anything mounted and mounted until I had diminished any source of security within myself. I hated being me.

A resounding absence of self esteem leads to having pretty shaky foundations of inner security. It’s impossible to elicit any trust or belief in yourself. There’s no acknowledgment of achievement or success. When insecurities attack every feature of your being, you kind of lose any stable sense of self.

Feeling insecure can be debilitating and it filters into every aspect of life; relationships, work, sports. It rears its ugly head to p…

Does our past define us?

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Have you ever suffered from Depression, An Eating Disorder, Alcohol or drug addiction or, Been subjected to Emotional abuse, Sexual abuse, Physical abuse or even a traumatic experience of any kind?
Many people from all walks of life have suffered at the hands of one or maybe a few of the above turmoils and as a result, feel like damaged goods in the aftermath.  
But do any of our past experiences have to define us?  Does it have to leave a permanent negative scar on you?  Can you change your life after these things and make a full recovery away from distress?
When you think of these challenges - do you think it defines you or could it actually enhance who you are today? Does it give you an excuse to stay stuck or does it give you not only a solid reason but a solid grounding to want to change?
For a long time I saw my past as a shameful negative experience. I saw it as an experience that left me very vulnerable, very sensitive, very insecure and with very low self confidence, yet I survived …

Finding the positive when negativity is taking centre stage.

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The world is a wonderful, beautiful place, it honestly is. But I definitely didn’t always see it like that and if you don’t either, I can totally see why. There’s so much going on in our world today that could make it seem daunting, unbearable and just plain dark. Aside from the bigger stuff like y’know corruption, disaster and tragedy all the time, there’s pressure coming at us from all directions. It ain’t always so rosy in our world today; we’ve got pressure to succeed, pressure to find our feet, to become financially independent, to look a certain way - to basically get our life together and do it with style.


Actually trying to list the negatives is quite easy. Even if we look externally, we have social media bringing the news to us almost immediately and how often is it just bad news that we’re being bombarded with? Couple that news with a break up, job loss or a particularly rainy Monday morning traffic jam to a job we hate and we can feel at a complete loss for joy, right?


With t…

Self-preservation

“What would you do if you were stranded on a desert island?” was a question put to me and a group of peers, during a workshop years ago. We proceeded to brainstorm survival techniques and ways we would procure food and create shelter if we found ourselves deserted and left to our own devices. We discussed how we would cooperate with those with whom we were stranded and ways we would cope if alone. We organised a whole plan of action we envisaged implementing if this awful situation should ever arise. We didn’t question our automatic response. It is human nature to think about how to withstand or overcome challenging times. Suicide and being in a frame of mind where we contemplate the act of suicide are contrary to this natural response to adversity. Our “Survival Mode” switch becomes jammed on the wrong setting and we turn to self-destruction to ‘deal with’ our problems. But, as we know, running away from a problem is the method of dealing that is least likely to succeed. I am currently…

A Birthday Reflection :)

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Birthdays come to us merely once a year, just that one single day that is ours, to celebrate our lives.
I remember a parent in a group therapy session saying once, ‘a birthday is your day, it’s just for you to celebrate,’ and it was said with such conviction and simplicity that it has stayed with me since.
Birthdays were great as a kid, whether it was the coke floats, the planned activities out with family and friends or even just pass the parcel; they were always made memorable for me.
But then, like most things, they became a struggle. A landmark in my life reminding me that I was going nowhere, contributing nothing; just getting older and accomplishing none of my goals.
This time four years ago, I didn’t want to see another moment let alone another year. I didn’t think I could conceivably fight my way through, I didn’t want to, I had no more energy to try find my way in my life.
And that’s a hard memory to have attached to my birthday – my special day just for me. But it also remind…