Friday, 27 February 2015

Why I’m Glad I survived.



We make choices in life all the time, from the moment we wake up (and begin a series of snoozes) to those last seconds before drifting off to sleep at night.

In moments where I felt bereft of options, I was dead sure (pun intended) that the choice to disappear from life was the only one there was for me.

I can say with a 100% certainty now that regardless how recurrent that thought was; it was never going to be the right choice. But that obviously wasn't always my line of thinking.

I didn't want to live, but I also didn’t really know how to live. I didn’t even know myself. It was like living within a stranger who couldn't do anything right and who I absolutely loathed.

I don’t need to embellish further but I’m here today and I’m pretty happy in life, being alive and I’m excited for my future.

I’m glad I survived because:



  • I have learnt more about myself in my recovery than ever before and grown as a person as a result.
  • I have a wonderful family.
  • I have people who care about me.
  • I have my whole life ahead of me.
  • I know now that change is possible, anything can happen and ruling out all further potential in life makes no sense to me anymore.
  • I get to grow up and figure out how to be a functioning adult.
  • Life has so much to it, in every aspect. It has beauty and experience and opportunity for everyone. I get to see all of that.
  • I get to see sunsets and mountains and the sea.
  • There’s a whole world out there I haven’t visited yet
  • I could travel if I wanted.
  • I could learn to drive, or take up a new hobby.
  • My dogs are fun and gorgeous and good at cuddles.
  • I get to meet people everyday and engage with them.
  • I get to work and learn and earn.
  • I get to meet such incredible people on a similar journey.
  • I get to write and share my ideas.
  • I know how to look after myself better.
  • I get to experience so many other emotions than sadness/numbness/anger.
  • I get to laugh and cry and feel.
  • I’ve overcome a lot and things I thought impossible before are within my reach more and more.
  • I get to go to gigs or listen to music or read books.
  • I get to listen to people speak and hear inspiring stories.
  • I get to see other people grow and live their lives and see their stories unfold.
  • I get to speak about hope from an honest, wholehearted belief in it.
  • I get to hear bad dad jokes and make awful puns :-)
  • I get to buy nice things or browse the shops.
  • I get to read poetry and meet people who like it too.
  • I get to be heard.

Most importantly, I'm so glad that now;
 

I get to live.


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