Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Try creating a head-space you don't want a holiday from!

First I'd like to open this post with a quote:


OK, now on to my point: How often have you wanted to run from your life? How often have you been so desperate to pack everything up and move far, far away? Well, if you're anything like me then you've probably packed your bags a good few times. And spent even more time daydreaming (as money doesn't grow on trees and all that!) about this elusive alternate universe.

I'd always imagine that it would be different once I 'got away from it all'. I would stare into space and imagine a magical version of my life, where suddenly the bars on my little negative mind would turn to dust. I'd be free of those pesky shackles. I'd walk with a spring in my step, and hum.

But then I'd get away, and realise someone had packed my negativity and despair into my carry-on.

I've sat in a bath as big as a small pool in a 5 star hotel in Las Vegas and just cried my eyes out. I've sat fully clothed on deserted beaches in Hawaii; too self conscious to wear my togs in case a stranger turned up and saw my body.

I think what I've learned over the years is that you can run, but you can't hide. The only way to truly escape the dark place in your head, is to learn to switch the lights on. The only way to permanently escape those suffocating thoughts, is to actively work on changing them. The only way to feel the freedom one so desperately desires when they fantasise about 'getting away' is to work for it. And to work hard. And to not give up.

It's been almost a year since I had my big weep in that bath-pool in Vegas. And what a year it has been. I think I worked pretty hard this year. And have been rewarded for the energy I put into changing my thoughts. I don't have that deep urge to escape anymore. I realise that if I try to escape my mind by physically escaping the country- nothing happens except that I cry in fancier bathrooms. My mind comes with me- everywhere I go.

I'm not yet free, but I know what I have to do. I have my passport. I have the directions. I just need to keep moving; I need to keep working on creating a head-space that I don't want to escape.

It's time we all learn the value of a staycation.

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Any thoughts on this? :)