Dare To Live

We make choices in life all the time, from the moment we wake up (and begin a series of snoozes) to those last seconds before drifting off to sleep at night.
In moments where I felt bereft of options, I was dead sure (pun intended) that the choice to disappear from life was the only one there was for me.
I can say with a 100% certainty now that regardless how recurrent that thought was; it was never going to be the right choice. But that obviously wasn't always my line of thinking.
I didn't want to live, but I also didn’t really know how to live. I didn’t even know myself. It was like living within a stranger who couldn't do anything right and who I absolutely loathed.
I don’t need to embellish further but I’m here today and I’m pretty happy in life, being alive and I’m excited for my future.
I’m glad I survived because:


I have learnt more about myself in my recovery than ever before and grown as a person as a result. I have a wonderful family.I have people who care about me.…

It's never too late to find a happier you!

I come into that category of 50 somethings and have just embarked upon a journey of "Who am I?" and "What do I want?"

My life as a child was difficult; my parents fought all the time. So I tried to please both of them. I tried to be the peace maker, I came between them to stop the arguments.

Then my father died when I was a teenager. My mother was so wrapped up in herself and her grief that we kids just had to carry on. At 19 I was diagnosed with reactive depression.

Life continued - I married, had children, worked and continued on the road of concentrating on others. Some of my children are/have gone through emotional distress, and all of my time and energy has gone into supporting them, completely forgetting about my own needs.

Now however, they have grown up, are doing well by themselves, and once again there is just me and my husband, or for the greater part of the day - just me! And I am feeling lost. I don't work …

Many of us have read, heard or perhaps seen a biopic of someone whom has overcome hardship to succeed in the face of adversity. We learn of people like Louis Zamparini and Nelson Mandela and Oprah Winfrey and we think of how inspirational their stories are. But some of us don't stop there. We might also believe that these are inherently "better people" than us and consider ourselves unfairly lucky that we have not experienced the same hardship as they have.
I could go into a detailed explanation of what my own mind has done with such potential inspiration in the past. I could outline how I managed to sap many such stories of their power to motivate me, by over-analysing my own circumstances to the point that I "deserved" whatever difficulties I experienced because I'd had it "too easy" thus far.
But I won't.
Because that was rubbish.
Now, I hear of wonderful people who tried and "failed" (whatever it even is to fail) and tried again.…

Sometimes we all need a little bit of encouragement, am I right? So on that note;

Me, Myself and I; the most important trio in my world. They say the key to happiness is self acceptance and self love- and I'm working on it!
Three or four Valentine's Days ago in a group therapy session, the facilitator gave us all teeny-tiny notebooks (I think they were covered in hearts) and tiny little bubble wands- pink and red! We had to write something nice about ourselves in the notebook. Now don't get me wrong; I loved the notebooks. But I did NOT love the idea of writing nice things about myself. I would have much preferred to write a list of grievances à la 10 Things I Hate About You! I probably cooperated, (likely) through gritted teeth and forced smiles.

But now I can genuinely say some nice things about myself and show myself love. I wish I could write sonnets and revel in verbose proclamations of love; but I'm not there yet. It's all about progress I guess! I'm sure next Valentine's Day I'll like myself a bit more.

Dear Me,   I love that…

Numbers were never really my thing. I never had the slightest bit of interest in math in school and I thought for sure that upon leaving, mind-numbing calculations would have little prominence in my life. 

So when I realized the extent to which I was using them day to day, I just couldn’t understand it. If I wasn’t frantically counting calories, it was the pounds in my weight, endless estimations to try to change the number. Shopping trips would either be ruined or enhanced depending on the digits jumping out from potential new clothes. A walk was a challenge to achieve x amount of miles in x number of minutes. 

My meals were numbers, my clothes were numbers, my entire worth became based on a number. 
This kind of fixation can be different for everyone. We can be notching up negative numbers of anything - habits, rules, time, things we don't like about ourselves, things we're not good at etc.

And where do all these miserable measurements get us? Does it all add up to any sort of h…

First I'd like to open this post with a quote:


OK, now on to my point: How often have you wanted to run from your life? How often have you been so desperate to pack everything up and move far, far away? Well, if you're anything like me then you've probably packed your bags a good few times. And spent even more time daydreaming (as money doesn't grow on trees and all that!) about this elusive alternate universe.

I'd always imagine that it would be different once I 'got away from it all'. I would stare into space and imagine a magical version of my life, where suddenly the bars on my little negative mind would turn to dust. I'd be free of those pesky shackles. I'd walk with a spring in my step, and hum.

But then I'd get away, and realise someone had packed my negativity and despair into my carry-on.

I've sat in a bath as big as a small pool in a 5 star hotel in Las Vegas and just cried my eyes out. I've sat fully clothed on deserted beac…

Good morning!

It's Sunday, it's a beautiful day. And guess what? Today has potential. 
Every single day when you wake up, you have the power to set your day up and entertain a world of options for how it's going to play out. 

My suggestion for today is to think about the following questions throughout the day:

Does this serve me?

If I play the tape out - how will this go?

There's so many habitual behaviours that we engage in when we don't feel ok. We might over-analyse, hold grudges, compare, harm ourselves, numb ourselves through behaviours, think negatively, push people away etc. 
Quite often we do it just because we've done it for so long that we don't even question why. That's just 'what we do', 'we can't help it', 'we lose control', 'what else can we do?' These actions might offer some kind of solace or relief, but in the long run, do they serve us? Will this action help or hinder my day?

You are in control of your life …