I won’t tell you hope is the light at the end of the tunnel,
That feels too cliché for what I wish to relay
That’s not to say it doesn’t ring true
But borrowing words to speak my truth won’t do
I want to impart something real, something you can’t help but feel.
Something inspiring to quash the tiring endless spiel
Of a voice that doesn't belong, has no place in our lives,
And replace it with the hope that can help us survive.
Hope is the fire in my bones that fuelled me to get here,
Pushing me forward even when the path was unclear
When life was fraught with fear, shame always near
Never ok like I tried so hard to appear.
When I didn’t have it I had nothing,
My mind a cavern of hate, I could not abate
my own words of self loathing
Bouncing off the walls, constantly echoing in every limb
And igniting the desire to cause harm upon my own skin.
It wasn’t just once. It wasn’t a phase.
It was a recurrent thought throughout the bad days
It was the escape from a life I didn’t know how to live,
A useless participant with nothing to give.
Unable to cope with the most mundane of tasks
Trying to trudge on with the help of various masks.
Hope is the feet I’m standing on now,
It’s the whisper in my ear that shows me how
It’s the reason I’m still here today and the
Support I need to be able to say, that
It gets better. It gets amazing.
And when you have it, nothing can phase it.
It’s concrete, and it’s abundant. It’s yours for the taking.
At the start, it was an idea. A fragile seed,
Without realising, it became all I’d need,
Beautiful people shared their truths too,
Survivor stories, of how they got through,
Punctuated profoundly with the power of hope
Instilling belief that I’d find my way to cope.
That seed was the potential for me,
The small but significant source of positivity,
It wasn’t days but years that it took to see
Its gradual growth into a whole new me.
Whole being the word I lacked before,
But I can honestly say I’m not empty anymore,
Not lost, nor self destructive nor hating who I am,
Finally able to translate ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can’.
Written by Yvonne