So my entry is taking a different perspective on suicide, but just as I type that, I think to myself, well, all of our accounts are looking at this topic through different eyes.
The topic of suicide is so close to my heart as it could have taken everything away from me. To me everything is my world as I have come from a place where I felt I had nothing. You see, I am the indirect effect of what suicide. The ripple effect we don't always see or talk about. It nearly took from me my hero, my inspiration, my mentor, my mother and in turn my life. This is a little letter that I wanted to write to her when she was in that dark place. I wasn’t there in that place and time, but if I had the ability to write to her that day this is what I would write :
My name is ***********, I am writing to you from a future date, with a plee. Please do not make this decision. There is a future ahead of you. I am your daughter, yes I know they told you that you couldn't have kids, but trust me Mam, you are going to learn not to always believe everything you hear. Especially this voice in your head that is telling you today is the day. You see, I need you. I too have gone through times that were difficult and challenging at times, but because of you choosing against this voice you have helped me to get through them and have given me life, based on your life learnings.
Mam, I love you and I need you, if you make this decision today, you are stealing many things. You are taking your life, you are taking mine and you are taking my children’s life too. There are consequences to this decision, I don't want you to feel guilty, but empowered. I need you to fight today. I need you to fight today, for tomorrow, both yours and mine together.
I know today is an extremely dull day, you are walking through the rain without an umbrella, you cannot even feel how cold and wet you are right now,I understand that life just seems to be a constant passerby that you are always missing to connect with. Today doesn't have to be the day to end it all, today can be the day to start it all. For you, for me and our family.
Today you have the power to change your future and many others. Your actions have a consequence, and today you can choose to use it to create life not end it.